A Different Change of Heart
by Ginomo
Summary: An AU adaption of the Season 6 episode "Change of Heart." What if that pivotal decision had been Jadzia's to make instead of Worf's?
1. Chapter 1

**A Different Change of Heart**

by Ginomo

As a Worf/Dax fan I have watched "Change of Heart" more times than I can count. It wasn't until reading a review of it that this idea came to me… what if the pivotal decision had been Jadzia's to make instead of Worf's? This story takes place during that episode, at the moment the Jem'Hadar discover Worf and Dax.

* * *

**Chapter 1**

As was always the case, moments in battle that took mere seconds seemed to last forever.

Jadzia and Worf were crouched down, watching as the Jem'Hadar patrol men stumbled onto their makeshift camp. The choice was to either let them pass or engage them in battle. Jadzia looked to Worf, her husband and Commanding Officer for the signal. The two were pinned and would be discovered any second- they'd have to fight.

With two well timed shots, Jadzia and Worf had the two patrols on the ground. Jadzia stood up, not noticing that there was a third coming toward them. It was as if time were slowed to a near stop. Worf could see the Jem'Hadar raise his weapon. Worf raised his own weapon as well but couldn't get a clear shot. He could, however, see who third patrol had his weapon trained on. And she was looking the other way.

"Jadzia!"

Calling her name was the wrong thing to do. Jadzia dropped her guard and looked back to Worf. As the Jem'Hadar positioned his hand to squeeze the trigger, Worf did the only thing he could do. He dove in front of his wife and hurled his mek'leth just as the disruptor blast left the barrel of the Jem'Hadar's weapon.

"_Worf_!"

Her scream was blood curdling. Both Worf and the Jem'Hadar soldier lifelessly dropped to the ground. All three Jem'Hadar now lay motionless on the jungle floor. Jadzia dropped to her knees next to Worf. He was lying face down and it took all her strength to roll his body over. When she did she gasped.

"Jadzia…" Worf's voice was barely a whisper.

"Oh no. No, no, no..." her voice was reduced to a whimper. Worf had been shot in the gut, his uniform was burned and blood was beginning to pool. Jadzia's hands fumbled for the medkit in her bag. She scanned him and pressed a pain relieving hypo into his neck. He did not object, which meant he must really be hurting.

"I could not let him shoot you," Worf said apologetically as he tried to sit up.

"Shh, don't move," She looked at the read out, "You took the full blast from his disruptor," she was trying hard to maintain her composure but her voice was shaking, "There is damage to several organs and the blast left behind an anticoagulant in your system."

Even in nothing but moonlight, Worf could see the panic in her face, "We have to keep moving. We still have twelve kilometers to go."

"Not until I bandage this."

She worked quietly for a moment, doing the best she could with their limited supplies. This was more than even Worf's resilient Klingon physiology could take- he was going to need real medical attention and fast.

"Water, please…"

Jadzia supported his head as he drank. She hoped that the darkness hid the tears that were slowly spilling from her eyes. Worf thanked her as she prepped a vial of plasma to give him.

"There. That's the best I can do but you need to rest. We have been going all day without a break through dense jungle. Let the plasma work it's way into your system before we keep moving."

"We cannot stay here," Worf used all the strength he had to hoist himself onto his feet "Someone will come looking for them. We must get to Lasaran as quickly as we can now."

"You are hurt, Worf. Very badly," she said quietly, "Moving is only going to make the bleeding worse."

Worf could see the tears she was trying to hide from him, "Staying here is not an option. We must at least distance ourselves from them. Two or three more kilometers and we will rest."

Jadzia nodded and stood with him.

"We should gather our things, we can not have any evidence that we were here."

The two of them walked through the night. They were quiet, partly because they wanted to draw as little attention to themselves as possible, but mostly because neither wanted to state the obvious. Worf was indeed hurt very badly, as Jadzia had said. He was leading the way, but his steps were slow and labored. She listened as his breathing progressively become more shallow and ragged.

"Slow down, Worf, you are going to wear yourself out."

"I am fine," he replied, without looking back at her.

Jadzia stopped, "No, you are not. Look, it's almost sunrise and we can stop here at least for a few hours. _I'm _tired."

Worf didn't argue and this time, they didn't bother setting up camp. Jadzia watched as her husband wearily sank down to the ground and fell asleep almost instantly. She was tired just as she said but sleep did not come to her. She lay next to him wondering what she was going to do. Moving through the jungle was extremely slow, they had to cut a path through dense foliage, often stopping for long periods of time while Jem'Hadar patrol units went by. Worf would push himself until he dropped dead, of that she was certain. There was no way she was going to watch him do that, yet what other choice did she have?

Worf awoke to searing pain in his abdomen and Jadzia changing a blood soaked bandage. The painkillers had obviously worn off.

"Did you sleep at all?" he asked.

Jadzia could see his eyes tightly squeezed shut. She gave him more of the painkillers that he'd never ask for but needed very much, "Mmm hmm."

"You are lying." Worf said, eyes still closed but more relaxed.

"Oh, am I?"

"I can always tell."

"You know me so well," she said with a small smile.

"I am sorry, Jadzia."

His eyes were open now, and he was looking right at her.

"Sorry? You have nothing to apologize for. There was no way we could have known those soldiers were coming towards us."

"I let my guard down. Had I been focused and alert they never would have gotten so close."

"Worf we were both-"

"No," Worf managed to raise his voice, "I am the commanding officer and your husband. It is my duty to make sure things like this do not happen."

"Blaming yourself isn't going to fix this," Jadzia replied.

She was right. "How much farther do we have?"

Jadzia stood and sighed, "Nine kilometers by nightfall."

"We can make it."

"I did some scouting while you rested. There is a gorge up ahead. We either scale it or go around it," she sighed again, "But it's massive. Going around it will take too much time, especially since they are bound to be looking for us by now."

"Then we scale it."

Jadzia didn't reply.

Once again Worf mustered all his strength to stand, "We scale it."

There was a knot in the pit of her stomach. There was no way Worf could make it down that gorge, not to mention the fact that getting to Lasaran was only half the journey. They'd have to make it back up again and trek back through the jungle before she could get him to the runabout.

"Do you want to rest while I keep watch?" Worf asked. He could see the worry in his wife's face and wanted to appear as in control as he possibly could.

She quickly wiped her eyes before tears started again, "No, let's get moving."

This time it was Jadzia who led, using Worf's mek'leth to cut through the jungle. Periodically she had to stop so he could catch up. Her heart was breaking for him on so many levels. Worf was always the strong one, always the one who could fight through anything. Yet she knew this was more than he could handle. She did her best not to look back so he wouldn't think she was as worried as she was. He was trying to be strong and Jadzia was trying to preserve the illusion that he was still in control.

Worf was accepting the realization that he couldn't go on much better than Jadzia gave him credit for. He tried to keep up, but his pace was slowing and as a result he was slowing her down. His head was swimming and he was getting dizzier, sure signs that the blood loss was taking its toll on him. Worf began stumbling over his own feet and before he knew what was happening, the ground was coming up to meet him.

Jadzia heard the thud as Worf collapsed behind her, "Oh no, Worf," she once again dropped to her knees and rolled him over. He'd bled through his bandage. One more pain hypo and another vial of plasma went into his neck as she cradled his head in her lap. Worf was still unconscious.

"Open your eyes Worf. Wake up, dammit!"

His eyes fluttered open, "Jadzia…"

"I'm here. Just give the medicine a minute and you'll be fine."

"You are lying again."

She was. His blood pressure had dropped again and his neural EDL readings were erratic. Instead of trying to deny it, she just stroked his hair and no longer fought back her tears.

"I will never make it down the gorge."

"Yes, you will. I'm going to help you."

"No," he replied calmly, "Commander, you must-"

Jadzia shook her head "Don't do that. Don't give me any orders you know I can't follow."

Once last time Worf forced himself to sit up, "Dax," he began again, still calm, "You must continue on without me. I will never make it to the rendezvous point and an attempt to do so will simply slow you down and jeopardize both of us."

"What about you?"

"You will leave me here and continue on. We have a mission to do and the information Lasaran has could be potentially invaluable to the war effort," Worf paused, not wanting to say what he was about to, but knowing it was necessary, "That is an order, Commander."

Jadzia took a deep breath, trying her best to calm herself and be the Starfleet Officer she was supposed to be," I will be back here as fast as I can, and can have you in the stasis chamber in the runabout in 45 hours."

Worf nodded in agreement. The reality was that they both knew he'd be dead in 45 hours.

Jadzia began to gather her things. She fastened his mek'leth to her pack and placed his phaser rifle next to him, "Anyone comes close to you at all, shoot first, ask questions later."

Worf smiled, "I always do."

"Hey, was that a smile?"

"When this mission is over, I will smile all you want."

They sat in silence, Worf now leaning against a tree and Jadzia kneeling next to him. She reach out and stroked his hair. Worf savored the touch he knew he'd probably never feel again.

"If I have any regrets, it's that I didn't say yes to you sooner," she whispered, finally breaking the silence.

"Do not regret anything. It is I who was not ready to be the husband you deserved."

Jadzia leaned forward and the two kissed, each knowing it would probably be the last time but neither being able to actually say goodbye. She stood and began to walk away, but had to look back one last time. Worf's eyes were already closed and his chest was heaving rapidly. He'd been holding it together for her sake- the end was a lot nearer than he let on.

Dax had always had a bit of an impulsive streak. Right then she know there was no way she could take another step away from her husband. Her hand reached into the medkit and she pulled out the hypospray. She programmed it to act as a sedative and pressed it into his neck. Worf's breathing slowed and he was now unconscious.

"Think, Dax think. How am I going to get him back to the runabout?" If the situation had been reversed, Worf could have just carried her out of the jungle, but there was no way Jadzia would be able to manage that. She'd had to think and think fast. Time was ticking in two directions- Worf was getting worse and Lasaran's rendezvous time was getting closer.

She pulled one of the tricorders they'd deactivated out of her pack. Just as Lasaran had said, there were transporter scramblers protecting this atmosphere of the planet. That didn't mean she couldn't do a land based transport, though. Lasaran had given them access codes to the Dominion sensor net and Jadzia could use them to punch a hole in it long enough to transport Worf back to the runabout. She'd posed this idea to Worf as a method of rescuing Lasaran but they both quickly dismissed it. The Dominion would definitely notice that kind of breach in their system and they'd come looking for whatever was causing it.

But what other choice did she have? If she didn't try to transport him to the ship, Worf would die. Yet if she did, the Dominion could trace the transport, find the runabout and kill all of them. The third option, Jadzia successfully punching through the net and getting Worf back to the ship without detection, was the only scenario where her husband lived.

Her fingers were flying across the small control panel- Dax the scientist had taken over. She pulled out Worf's tricorder as well and used it to boost the signal from hers. She had a link to the runabout and the transporter was online. Now to disable the sensor net. Jadzia had to time it just right so that the net was compromised only long enough for Worf's pattern to materialize on the runabout. As it was, they were going to notice. She decided to mask the transport by sending a power surge through the net at the same time. Maybe they'd think it was a technical glitch.

Jadzia looked at her husband one last time. Even getting him back to the runabout was no guarantee he'd live, but it was the best she could do. She kissed his forehead, counted to three, and simultaneously disabled the net with one tricorder and engaged the transporter with the other. She watched as his form took on the familiar transparent haze of transporting. Worf's pattern phased in and out, no doubt from the power surge going through the sensor net. After a few agonizing moments, he was gone.

Dax sat there looking at the empty place where his body had been and felt surprisingly alone. There was no time to ponder the what ifs- if the Dominion found the runabout then so be it. At least she could live with herself, albeit for a short amount of time, knowing she tried to save him.

Jadzia began running in the direction of the gorge. She'd have to make up a lot of time to get to Lasaran by nightfall. And then they'd have to trek all the way back to the runabout on foot, Jadzia having no idea what kind of physical shape Lasaran was in. As much as she wanted to, she could not risk using the transporter again; she really shouldn't have done it the first time.

Getting Worf back to the runabout was pointless without her there to help him and fly him home to DS9. He might as well have been still propped up against that tree. It would still be 45 hours before she could get to Lasaran and get back, and Worf would still be dead.

"Unless I go back right now."

Jadzia stopped in her tracks and said the words aloud, as if uttering them were her way of asking for permission for what she was about to do. Out here, there was no one to ask and no one to tell her no. Jadzia Dax has a mission, but Jadzia Dax also had a husband.

She looked forward, "At least another 12 hours to get to Lasaran and a day and a half to get back to Worf," She spun around and looked backwards, "Or I could just go back right now and have Worf on the way to DS9 in half that time."

There was no one to ask and no one to tell her no.


	2. Chapter 2

**A Different Change of Heart**

by Ginomo

As a Worf/Dax fan I have watched "Change of Heart" more times than I can count. It wasn't until reading a review of it that this idea came to me… what if the pivotal decision had been Jadzia's to make instead of Worf's? This story takes place during that episode, at the moment the Jem'Hadar discover Worf and Dax.

_Author's Note: I really went back and forth on whether to continue this or just leave it as a vignette. Tell me what you think!_

* * *

**Chapter 2**

"Jadzia?"

No response.

"Jadzia?" he asked again.

Still nothing.

"Give her another," a second voice commanded.

"Captain, she is still healing. Her neurotransmitter levels are low and I am not sure that rousing her before she is ready is the best-"

"Doctor, I am not asking."

"I will have to note my objection in my log," Dr. Bashir said firmly.

Captain Sisko smirked, "You always do."

The Bajoran nurse handed a Bashir a second hypospray of inaprovaline, 40 ccs this time. He pressed it into Commander Jadzia Dax''s neck. She began to stir.

"She's coming out of it."

Jadzia's eyes blinked rapidly before opening. The light in the room was bright. She was in the infirmary, on Deep Space Nine, with Benjamin on one side and Julian on the other.

"Where's Worf?" she managed to squeak out.

The two men looked at each other, neither answering. Jadzia knew that wasn't good. She tried to push herself up to sitting, but a dull ache in her left shoulder made it nearly impossible. When had that happened? Oh, that's right. She'd been shot sneaking back into the runabout by a Jem'Hadar patrol.

"Where is he?" she asked more forcefully. "Is he here? Is he…" she couldn't utter the word 'alive' for fear of what the answer would be.

"He is here in the infirmary," Bashir said, though his words seemed unusually measured. Just because Worf was in the infirmary didn't mean he wasn't dead.

Sisko spoke up, "Doctor Bashir, if you would please excuse us."

Julian nodded, and he and the nurse left the two alone. Once he was out of earshot, Captain Sisko continued, "I need to know, Dax, what happened to the operative?"

"What?" Jadzia wasn't completely coherent and quite frankly could focus on nothing but her husband.

"Lasaran, the Cardassian informant. I need to know what happened. He was not on the runabout when we found you and Worf, was he killed by the Jem'Hadar when you were escaping? Did he give you any information at all?"

Now it was all coming back, "No, we never saw Lasaran. We were not able to make it to the rendezvous point."

Sisko's brow furrowed, "You never made it to him?"

_Why is he asking this?_ Jadzia wondered to herself. Then she realized why. Due to the covert nature of the mission, Jadzia and Worf had kept very limited mission logs. Sisko would only know what the two of them told him, and judging by his lack of knowledge and their hesitant responses to her inquiry, Worf hadn't said anything.

"Jadzia, I need to know what happened. Starfleet Intelligence wants the status of the operation and I have very little to give him."

The reality of the situation was right there before her. Dax had both abandoned the mission and disobeyed the direct order of her superior officer in the process. But the only two people who knew that were herself and her husband.

"We were attacked by Jem'Hadar and were not able to continue. We barely made it out alive ourselves and we had no way to contact Lasaran on the ground," that wasn't the whole truth, but it wasn't a lie either. She'd worry about the details later.

Benjamin sighed. He wasn't used to having to report on failed missions, especially not when it involved two of his best officers, "Okay Old Man. You get some rest, I'll deal with Starfleet."

"Ben please tell me, how is Worf?"

Sisko looked away from Jadzia and sighed again, his eyes no longer making contact with hers, "Dr. Bashir is not sure that he's going to make it."

* * *

There was nothing more unsettling to Jadzia Dax than to see her husband, a man so strong and in control of himself, lying nearly lifeless on a biobed. Worf had been in a coma since their runabout was found two days ago. They were both unconscious when the Defiant rescued them, but Jadzia's disrupter wound healed relatively quickly. Worf's injuries had festered longer and as a result, he was barely hanging on.

Jadzia wondered how long she should leave him like this, hooked up to machines in a dark corner of the infirmary. Later today she had a debriefing with Sisko and Admiral Ross regarding the mission. In a way, she was glad Worf was still in a coma. Those details she'd skirted yesterday would be the subject of their meeting today. To Worf, the truth was very black and white. Dax, however, could see the shades of grey. And in this case, the only thing between herself and a court martial was a lot of grey.

* * *

"Thank you for being here, Commander," Admiral Ross began, "I understand that Commander Worf is still not doing well."

"He's in a coma," Jadzia clarified. She sat at the head of the conference table in the ward room with Sisko to her left and Ross to her right.

"Yes, well I know that must be difficult for you."

Dax didn't respond. Sisko spoke instead "Let's get on with it. We essentially need you to tell us what happened. What went wrong?"

"What went wrong? My commanding officer was injured to the point where we could not continue the mission. That's what went wrong." Her tone was sharp and defensive.

"At what point was Commander Worf injured?" Ross asked.

"We were less than halfway to the rendezvous point. Based on how far we still had to go, I made the decision to abort the mission and try to escape."

Sisko could see that she was agitated and annoyed by this whole process, so he got right to it, "Could you have still made the rendezvous?"

"Without Commander Worf?"

"Without your _husband_," Ross added.

Jadzia narrowed her eyes at Ross, "No, I could not."

"You have been successful in more challenging situations than this, Commander," the Admiral pointed out.

"We had to traverse over 20 kilometers of dense jungle without a map to guide us, all the while dodging the rather frequent Jem'Hadar patrols just to get to Lasaran. Then we'd have to do the whole thing again to get him out. Once Worf, my _Commander_, was incapacitated, there was no way that I could continue on alone. Had I tried, Commander Worf and myself could have been killed or worse yet, been taken as Dominion prisoners. Given the top secret nature of the mission, I did not want to risk leaving behind any evidence that we'd even been there- even if that evidence was our dead bodies."

The two men looked at one another. They'd both expected her to admit her decision was based on her feelings for her husband, but the argument she gave instead was very logical.

"If you did not think you could go forward, how then were you able to escape?" Ross asked.

"I took a risk by having Worf transported to the runabout. It was the only way I could get him there and as I said, I could not leave any evidence of our presence. I was chased by a patrol squad as I neared the runabout and was shot, but I managed to get into orbit and evade their weapons as we went to warp. I sent a distress signal to DS9 before passing out myself What happened after that I'm unsure of."

Benjamin's focus shifted from Ross to Dax and back again. He knew what was going on; Ross wanted to pin the failure of this mission on her choosing her husband over her duty and Dax was too clever to make it easy for him.

"Lasaran is dead," Sisko interjected, "We just found out this morning that he was killed trying to re-enter the base. They probably assumed he was working with you, but as you said, there was no evidence of that or that you were even there for that matter."

"Had you gone on and completed the mission on your own, what do you think would have happened to Commander Worf?" Ross asked.

"I'm no doctor, but I know the Commander. If he is hurt badly enough that he cannot even stand then death is very close."

"So your choice to return to the ship allowed you to save his life?"

"Maybe not. He's still in a coma."

"Surely that thought had to be on your mind."

Dax leaned forward towards Ross, "Do you want me to say that I blew the mission for my husband? That way it can be my fault instead of those who chose to send a husband and wife alone on a mission during wartime?"

Admiral Ross snapped back, "Do you know the type of information Lasaran was going to provide to us?"

Jadzia sat back in her chair. She had been hoping they wouldn't ask this question, "What do you mean?"

Sisko clarified, "Did he give you any indication of what he needed to share with us?"

_They don't know._

"He'd been sharing information with Starfleet intelligence for months. I am sure they know whatever it is he was planning to divulge," Jadzia answered as best as she could without lying.

Dax was evading the question and both Sisko and Ross knew it. Before either of them could call her on it, the voice of Dr. Bashir filled the air, "_Please pardon the interruption. Jadzia, I need to see you in the infirmary_."

Jadzia's eyes widened, "Thank you Julian. I'll be right there," she turned to Sisko, "Please Captain, can we continue this later?"

He nodded, "Yes, of course. Go."

Jadzia hurried out of the room. Admiral Ross spoke up as soon as she was gone, "That didn't go the way I expected."

"And what exactly did you expect?"

"For your officer to be honest."

Benjamin could tell Dax was being less than forthright as well, but he felt like that was more his issue to deal with than Ross's, "She made very good points. We put them in a situation they should have never been in. And Worf is the more physically capable member of the team. If he was not able to go on, then whether or not they are married may not have been the issue."

"I'm supposed to believe that Commander Dax, someone in excellent physical condition herself, had to abort the mission because she simply couldn't walk alone?"

"It's been a long time since you were in the field, Admiral. Worf and Dax are two of my most capable officers. If either of them says they couldn't do something, then I take them at their word. I know you aren't used to reporting mission failures back to Starfleet Command, so for that I apologize, but I will stand behind the actions of my officers."

Ross sighed. There was no use trying to fight Sisko on this as well, "Alright, but I want you to debrief Commander Worf. I need to know what information Lasaran was planning to provide."

"Then I'll need you to excuse me so that I can go to the infirmary and check on him."

* * *

Jadzia ran from the ward room to the infirmary, pushing past everyone in her way. She could feel her heart pounding in her chest. Julian hadn't given any indication of why she was needed. If Worf was better he would have just said so, right?

A nurse greeted her as she entered, "Commander, you got here quickly. This way please."

Dax could see Dr. Bashir retracting Worf's bio-bed shield. He smiled when he saw Jadzia- that had to be a good sign.

"Jadzia, Worf's neural activity has been steadily increasing all morning. I think he'll be waking up shortly and I thought he'd appreciate seeing you instead of me when he did."

She reached out and squeezed Bashir's hand, "Thank you Julian."

"I'll be right outside."

Jadzia pulled up a chair and watched as the rise and fall of her husband's chest became more pronounced. Worf's hands began to flex slightly and his lips slightly parted.

"Worf?" she whispered.

She could see Worf's jaw clench and release, along withe the muscles in his arms and legs. Jadzia held her breath as she waited for her husband's eyes to open.

"Jadzia?" came a gruff whisper from his parted lips.

The tears that had been welling in Jadzia's eyes instantly spilled down her face, "Oh Worf, you're alright."

Worf's eyes darted around the room as he tried to get his bearings. He was in the infirmary on DS9. The last thing he remembered was leaning against a tree in the jungle laboring for each and every breath.

The jungle. The mission. Lasaran. If he was sitting here then Jadzia had been successful.

Jadzia lowered herself onto the edge of the bed as Worf sat up, "You did it," he said.

She sighed and looked away from him, "No, I didn't."

Worf was confused, "What do you mean?"

"I beamed you back to the runabout and left the surface as quickly as I could," her eyes met his again, "I couldn't go on without you."

"Lasaran?"

"Dead."

"You should have left me, Jadzia. I gave you a direct or-"

Jadzia placed her finger over his lips, "Please, Worf. II couldn't leave you there to die," she lowered her voice and looked into his eyes, "Not for Lasaran, not for the mission, not for anything else."

Worf took her hand in his and stared at their entwined fingers, saying nothing.

"I have lived a very long time and I've been on more missions and assignments than I can count. But I only have one you. And I could not just walk away without doing everything in my power to save your life."

"What does Captain Sisko have to say about that?"

Just as if he knew they were talking about him, Captain Sisko entered the room. Worf sat up as best he could, "Captain."

"Commander Worf. It is very good to see you awake, we are all worried about you."

"It is good to _be _awake."

"I have spoken to Dr. Bashir and he is going to clear you to return to partial active duty after he confirms that you're stable," Benjamin quickly glanced at Jadzia, "I need to debrief you regarding the mission as soon as he does."

Worf eyes darted between his captain and his wife, "Aye sir, of course."

Sisko left the room just as quickly as he'd entered. Worf could tell that something was going on, "Did the captain not debrief you already?"

"He did."

"And yet he still wants to speak to me?"

Jadzia sighed, "Apparently, we picked the wrong mission to screw up."

* * *

Worf and Jadzia's quarters were quiet- a little too quiet for Jadzia's taste. She sat on the couch near the door gazing out of the window at the black sky as the quiet filled her ears. She'd read the same page in her book three times. Dax tossed the book and picked up a padd. There was a performance of one of her favorite plays back on Trill that she had a recording of. Maybe watching that would let her mind relax.

Worf was with Benjamin. And who knows what was being said.

She leaned back as the play began and just as she settled in the door slid open, causing her to jump right back to being on edge.

"How did it go?" she asked before her husband could barely step foot into their home.

Worf didn't respond right away. He walked to the replicator, stood in front of it for a moment, then sat down at the table without ordering anything.

"You were right," he began, "We picked the wrong mission to fail."

"What happened? What did he say?"

"They did not know the nature of the information Lasaran was planning to share. I told the Captain what Lasaran told us- that he claimed to know the location of all the Founders in the Alpha Quadrant," Worf paused, "Captain Sisko said you didn't recall that." Worf's tone implied that he knew she _did_ remember.

Jadzia was silent. Worf went on.

"Who knows what could have been done with that iinformation? Perhaps completely turn the tide of the war."

"I doubt Dukat himself is privy to that kind information, let alone Lasaran. He could have been lying just to get out of there. He didn't strike me as the most upstanding person I've ever dealt with."

"We will never know."

"Did he ask you anything else?"

"He asked if I thought you could have finished the mission successfully without me."

"I'm afraid to ask how you answered that."

"I was honest. I told him that only you could have made that decision; you knew what was up ahead better than I did."

"What else did Benjamin say?"

"He said that because of the classified nature of the mission and because this is ultimately a case of a questionable judgement call, there will be no formal inquiry. It would expose too much about our intelligence operations."

Jadzia let out a sigh of relief, "Well that's good, right?"

"In addition to that," Worf continued, ''You are I will never again be assigned to a mission alone together."

Dax didn't think that was too bad of a punishment but the look on Worf's face said that he felt differently. He was sitting there at the table his eyes focused on his hands and his face looking defeated.

"How did you respond to that?"

"Respond? How could I respond? There is nothing that I could say to justify what happened. This just shows that the Captain no longer trusts our ability to make decisions as Starfleet Officers."

"I think that's a bit of a stretch."

Worf stood, "No, it is not. He knows that you and I cannot be trusted to work together effectively."

Jadzia knew that when her husband was being dramatic like this that it was best to let it be, "Was there anything else?"

Worf walked back towards the door, "No."

"Wait, where are you going?"

"Back to ops. I need to work."

"Didn't Julian clear you for _light _duty?" she asked.

"I need to work," he repeated very definitively. Jadzia didn't argue. Worf stepped close enough to the door that it slid open, but before stepping through it, he looked to his wife who was still seated on the couch, "I also want you to know… I never mentioned the order that I gave you."

They looked at one another. Worf did not need to say what he was thinking, Jadzia knew it. Omitting that detail meant Worf essentially lied for her. This was not just a matter of Dax choosing one path over another, this was a matter of her purposely not following a direct order- a situation that would certainly put her under court martial had it been known.

"I understand," she whispered. Without another word, Worf left.


	3. Chapter 3

A Different Change of Heart

by Ginomo

As a Worf/Dax fan I have watched "Change of Heart" more times than I can count. It wasn't until reading a review of it that this idea came to me… what if the pivotal decision had been Jadzia's to make instead of Worf's? This story takes place during that episode, at the moment the Jem'Hadar discover Worf and Dax.

* * *

**Chapter 3**

Life began to take on its familiar routine, but even as the days and duty shifts passed, there was something unsaid between Worf and Jadzia. They had been back from their failed mission to rescue Lasaran for 10 days and they had yet to really talk about what happened. They'd both given statements and written official reports, but they had not addressed it as husband and wife. Something had been building inside of Worf every since he realized what Jadzia had done. She knew it and so did he, yet getting him to open up about it was impossible. There was really only one way to get Worf to drop his guard, and it was when he was fighting to keep that guard up.

Worf was sitting at the table in their quarters going over reports from the day and drinking a glass of prune juice. Jadzia wordlessly dropped his mek'leth onto the table in front of him.

"Are you meaning to challenge me to a fight?" he asked without looking up.

"It's been a long time since we crossed blades."

He sighed, "I have much to do," still not looking up.

"You can take a break to go to the holosuite with me," Jadzia placed her hand on his, "We've hardly spent any time together since we've been back."

She was right. Worf nodded, "Alright."

They walked to the holosuite in relative silence, engaging in the uncomfortable small talk that had been filling their days lately. Once they were there, Jadzia chose one of his favorite simulations, the caves of B'Moth. They began as they always did, with a slow volley that gradually built. Jadzia tried to engage in the playful banter that usually filled their workouts, but Worf wasn't responding like he usually did.

Dax decided instead to make the most of it and focus on her form. It didn't take her long to realize that something was different. Worf was coming at her harder, faster and fiercer than he ever had before. His blade crashed down on hers with such force that she could barely hold him off. His parries were coming faster than she could keep up with. Jadzia was barely able to duck away from a swipe that could have sliced her face open had it made contact. She stumbled backwards and onto the ground, and for once she was genuinely afraid of her husband.

"Worf, stop!"

Jadzia crouched on the ground, her hands held defensively up over her head. Her eyes were filled with fear; the sight instantly snapped Worf out of the trance-like state he'd been in. He hurled his bat'leth to the floor of the holosuite as if to get as as far away from himself as he could. He stepped backwards a few steps. "I… I do not know what came over me. I am sorry Jadzia," Worf looked toward the door as if wanting to escape the holosuite. He'd always been able to control himself when he sparred with his wife, but tonight his focus was gone and his mind was far away.

Jadzia was panting heavily, "It's okay," slowly her composure was returning as well, "I'm okay, just help me up."

Dax extended her hand to Worf but he shrank away from it, "I should go..." he looked toward the door again.

"Help me up," she repeated, this time her voice was firm.

Worf obeyed and reach out to pull Jadzia to her feet. He had yet to allow his eyes to meet hers, "I do not know what came over me."

"You've never done that before," Jadzia whispered. Her heart was still racing, "I guess all this time you really have been holding back with me."

Worf was silent, still looking down.

"You've got to talk to me, Worf, _please_."

Worf repeatedly clenched and released his fists, trying to focus what he was feeling elsewhere. He wanted to hit something- hard. And he'd never forgive himself if that something was his wife, "I have to go," before she was able to object, Worf disappeared from the holosuite.

* * *

Jadzia took both their weapons back to their quarters, but Worf was nowhere to be found. She didn't need to use the comm system to locate him, Dax knew exactly where her husband had gone. She also knew that she had to confront him about this, whatever it was, or it would just get worse.

The interior lights on the Defiant were at minimum levels, as they always were when it was docked and out of service. Memories of coming onto the ship to see Worf before they were married put a smile on her face. They'd have dinner together in the mess hall- their own private dining room. Then there was that time in the captain's chair on the bridge…

The bridge is where she headed. As the turbolift door slid open, she could hear the music blasting loudly, _Shevok'tah gish _filled the air. Worf was in the captain's chair, his head back, eyes closed and lips quietly whispering the lyrics to one of the more depressing Klingon operas. Jadzia headed towards her pilots chair and sat in it. She swiveled it to face him.

"Not exactly 'feel good' music."

Worf didn't open his eyes, "I do not feel good," he said matter of factly, as if he knew she'd been there the whole time. The truth was, he knew she'd come.

"You've got to talk to me, Worf," she repeated.

A pause, then, "I am sorry about tonight. I do not know what came over me, but perhaps we should take a break from training together for awhile."

"That's bullshit."

That got Worf's attention. His eyes snapped open and he finally looked at her, "Excuse me?"

"You heard me. We've been walking on eggshells with one another ever since the mission and we can't do this forever."

Worf sighed, "You disobeyed a direct order."

Jadzia folded her arms across her chest and sat back in her chair, "Is that what this is about? The fact that I didn't do what you told me to?"

"It is more than that. Here," he motioned to the bridge around them, "Here we are not husband and wife. Here we are officers. Here we have a duty to uphold."

She rolled her eyes, "I know all about duty, Worf."

He shook his head, "Do not give me any of your 350 year old smugness. If you knew about duty then you would have completed the mission."

"So you've been mad at me all this time for saving your life? Is it because I robbed you of an honorable death or something?"

"You and I both took an oath when we joined Starfleet. How can I sit in this chair with you at the helm ever again? How can I know that you will do whatever it is you feel without a regard to my authority?

"My first duty isn't to this ship. It isn't to Starfleet, the Federation or any orders of any kind. I took an oath the day I married you- a blood oath to stand with you above all else. That is more sacred to me than any duty I have to Starfleet," she shook her head, her eyes looking dejected, "The fact that you don't realize that…" Jadzia's voice trailed off. She was hurt.

"That is what has been weighing on me," Worf's voice was low again as he wearily sank down further into the captain's chair, "I do not know that I would have done the same thing."

His words hung in the air for an uncomfortable amount of time, "What?" was all Jadzia could muster.

"You were right. You did what was right. If we were serving on a Klingon ship, this would not even be a question- nothing comes between the bonds of a marriage."

"Then I don't understand."

He looked at the floor as he spoke, "If it had been you that was hurt and I had that choice between my duty as a Starfleet Officer and my duty as your parmackai…" Worf slowly shook his head, "I would have chosen the mission. And you would have died."

They were both silent. At first, Jadzia thought he was reprimanding her for not continuing on. But as she studied her husband's face all of a sudden it made sense. He wasn't angry with her, he was angry with himself. He doubted whether or not he could have done what she did and he felt ashamed.

Worf's heavy voice broke the silence, "I thought I was ready to sacrifice my life for Starfleet, I always have been. As we were walking, you were ahead and I was barely keeping my footing, I knew I had to stop and let you go on. And that… that scared me."

To anyone else, Dax would have said how normal fear in that moment was. To her husband, a sentiment like that would not be appreciated, "I knew you were doing your best to be strong."

"I have never feared death. I have never hesitated in the face of it. There have even been times when I welcomed it. But that day, I was keenly aware that every step I took brought me closer to death," Worf finally looked up at his wife, his face filled with a mix of emotion she wasn't used to seeing, "And farther away from you."

"Oh Worf," Jadzia rose from her chair and kneeled next to him in his. She took his hands in hers, "There is a difference between being afraid to die and not wanting to leave your wife. You are still and will always be the bravest man I have ever known. When the time came you knew when to stop and let me go on. You ordered me to continue knowing it meant you'd die."

Worf shook his head, "No. I knew you'd find a way. I do not know why but in my heart I knew you'd come back."

"Just as in my heart I know you would have done the same thing," she reached up and stroked his face, "If anyone had asked me what I would have done before I was in that moment my answer would have been obvious. Complete the mission, duty comes first. But then, standing in that clearing, the mission in one direction and your life in the other… there was no choice. And I know has you been faced with that, had you felt your heart pounding in your chest the way I did, you would have carried me out of that jungle on your back without hesitation."

"Why did we not think of this before?" he asked.

Dax smirked, "Because you and I have always been so damned invincible. We have never considered the possibility that one of us wouldn't make it."

"We have always been able to do both- protect each other and get the job done. This time we could not."

"And there won't be a next time," she reminded him of Captain Sisko's new order.

"Which means we cannot protect each other. Something could happen to you and I will not be there to-"

"Shh," Jadzia silenced him, "We can't worry about that. If death comes to us- when death comes to us- we will face it with honor. And whoever is still alive will go on."

"I do not know that I could bear it."

"Well, if I go first I'll come back and find you and make you fall in love with me all over again," she said with a smirk.

"Isn't that against the rules?"

Jadzia winked, "You're worth it."

It was Worf's turn to tease, "I do not think I could handle another one of you."

Jadzia stood from where she'd been kneeling and slowly lowered herself onto her husband's lap, "You know, I kind of miss you living here on the Defiant."

"Why is that?"

"I miss having this place all to ourselves," she said with a whisper.

Worf knew exactly what she meant by that, "Jadzia, the last thing we need is to get into anymore trouble."

"Computer," Jadzia said into the air, "Secure the Defiant's DS9 airlock and notify the bridge if anyone attempts to access it. Authorization Dax 8-9-Beta."

"_Airlock secured._"

"Now, if I recall," Jadzia continued, slowly wrapping her arms around her husband's shoulders, "The last time we were alone like this you did some serious commanding from this chair."

"If _I_ recall, you gave your fair share of orders as well," Worf teased.

"Well, you know me, I like to do my own thing."

"I do. Indeed, I do."

~finis

May 11, 2015

_Please review! Reviews give me the motivation to keep writing and keep Worf and Jadzia alive._


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